Diplomatic Relations

"You got the camera going?"

"Almost! Hang on a sec!" A hand came in and out of frame, and there was static from gloved hands hitting the microphone. The image steadied on a human in Fleet issued snow gear, with a bright red and purple knitted hat on his head that had a multi-colored pompom on top. He was holding what looked like a snow board with flat runners on the bottom and two holes on one end. The human was smiling like he'd been given a great gift.

"Ok, Topher, you're on!" said the person behind the camera.

"Rad! Ok! Hi Mom and Dad and fam! I know it's been a while, but the trip here was pretty long and, really, until we got to Anaris II, there wasn't much really to say. Oh, and we call the people here the Anaries, but that's not their true name, since, well, we can't pronounce the right one. We asked if it was ok to use that though, and they said it was." He paused, then brought the board around to show the camera. "So, fam, check this out! The Anaries us this snowboard with these special hoverpad strips to get around over the ice on their planet! I saw this and asked if I could try one, and they were like, sure! Guys, this is so fucking cool! Check it out-- it's got two holes on one end to hold their mid arms, and they use their back legs to get speed, kinda like we do. Although, I gotta say, they're so much faster than us! Oh! And get this! They use this for basic transportation around their towns like we use bikes! Cool, right? They have bigger ones that the adults use that can haul trailers, and they even have ones that can be used by two or four Anaries to haul really heavy stuff! How cool is that?"

He put the board down, got on it, and started demonstrating how it worked. There was some fast chittering off screen, and Topher stopped. "Hey, little dudes--"

"Topher!" interrupted the person off screen, "you can't call theses kids 'dudes'! You don't know what gender they are! The Anaries have ten genders, you know!"

"Well, I'm from California Colony," Topher replied with a shrug. "We call everybody dude!"

"Topher--"

"Ok ok! Hello, little friends!" he said, turning to someone else off screen. "You all wanna see something cool?"

The chittering got louder, and a computer voice said, "Yes! Want to see! What is human doing? Human is weird! Yeah, but look what human is doing! Human look like Anari!"

"Ok, ok, little friends! So, humans have something similar to your boards without the strips called a snowboard, and there's also one with wheels called a skateboard we use when there's no ice."

"Human world no ice?" The chittering got louder and the translator couldn't keep up.

"Yeah. My home colony only has ice in the mountains and the poles of the planet."

The chittering intensified for a bit, then started to die down. "Let's watch human!" one of the Anari yelled, and they got quiet.

"Ok, friends, I'm gonna try what we call a flip trick." Topher got on the board, pushed off and glided over the ice. Then he kicked off with his back heel and jumped, flipping the board completely around to land back on the top of the board. Topher initially stayed on the board, but then pinwheeled his arms, lost balance and fell off onto the ice. The chittering got more frantic and several Anari kids skittered over to Topher, tapping him with their upper limbs. "Human hurt?" was said over and over, with Anari upper limb gestures that have been cataloged as gestures of concern.

Topher let the Anari kids touch him to reassure them like the adults did. "I'm ok, little friends, really! It happens. You always fall when you're trying new equipment." He sat up, shaking his head a bit, then stood and retrieved the board.

"What is human doing?" asked another Anari offscreen who had a deeper chittering sound.

"He is what we call a skateboarder," explained the camera person. "We have boards with wheels for dirt and flat boards that slide over snow, but we don't have ones exactly like yours. He's actually won competitions for doing the type of tricks you just saw in human space."

"Humans use travel boards for" the translator beeped, then tried again. "Non-work moving? For games?"

"Yes, that's right. It was a big competition," the camera person replied. Topher walked back towards the camera with the board, with all the child Anaries touching him and chittering.

"Yeah, kids," Topher said, "I can do more things. I just have to practice a bit more on your type of boards. It's like when the adults tell you to keep trying when you fall off, yeah? Well, I'll fall down a few more times before I get it right."

"Yes. Human correct! Teach us tricks?"

"Well, sure, but--" Topher looked towards the camera. "Oh, hi parent-friends! Hey, Butters, do you think the Captain will let us print some safety gear and make a half-pipe or something so I can teach the kids?"

"Safety equipment?" asked one of the Anaries.

Topher gave a gesture with his arms that was similar to the Anaries' affirmative. "Yeah, can't have any of these little dudes getting hurt when I teach them stuff! And I really should have a helmet to protect my head."

"Topher--" said Butters.

"I know, I know! Sorry! Can't help it!"

"Safety good," said the adult that had asked the question. "Human. Anari. Protect limbs and heads."

"Yeah, exactly! It's fun to do, especially with kids, but not as much fun if you get hurt, human or Anari. See, Butters! We agree!" Topher smiled like a kid at Christmas.

Butters sighed. "Ok, let's talk to the Captain and see if the Head Anari is up for it," he said.

"Humans do strange things," said another of the adults. "But little ones seem to like it."

Topher laughed. "Yeah, we really do weird stuff. Remind me to explain surfing!" He reached down towards the camera and the screen went blank for a second, then switched to the same snowy plane, but with what looked like a modified skate park made of ice.

Topher was kneeling in front of the camera, leaning on one of the boards, this time wearing knee and elbow pads over his fleet suit, along with a helmet. "Ok," he said to the camera, "so I didn't want to send the first video until we made this, but check this out! Look at this park, dude! The Anari kids love it, and I'm showing them some basic tricks. I did do a bit of a show once we got the half-pipe up and the adults were like, W.T.F? But the kids, man, they are super stoked! I think they like being able to use their boards for something other than chores." He grinned. "Well, at least from what I can understand from them. Kids, right? The cool thing is that the Captain and the Head Anari's allowed it, as long as we make sure the kids are safe, since it's actually giving the translators more vocabulary to work with. How cool is that?"

"Board-Human! Come now! We ride!" shouted one of the kids.

Topher laughed. "Yeah, I can't say the actual name they gave me, but it translates to Board-Human. Some also call me Bird-Human because I get so high when I do my 180s and stuff. Maybe I should teach them about that ancient Earth skater Tony Hawk." Topher looked towards the park with a smile, then back at the camera. "I think seeing them have this much fun is almost as much of a high as getting the Inter-Galactic Olympic gold before I joined Fleet." He paused, looking down for a minute, then continued. "Anyway, I need to get going, but tell the guys at the park that I'm doing good and found a way to get my skills back up to scratch! Maybe I'll even bring some of these boards home for folks to try! If I get permission of course! I'll add some shots of me teaching the kids to this video, but yeah, I miss you guys. I know it'll be a few years before I get home, but hey, I'm having a good time, even with all the Fleet drudgery. And, I'm improving inter-species relations! Whodathought, me, a diplomat because of skateboarding?" Topher smiled. "Love you fam!"

Topher stood and walked away from the camera toward a group of Anari children with boards. He dropped his down and raced to the park with all the humans and Anari around him chittering and laughing in excitement.