Notes from the AO3 posting:

This fic was inspired by this Tumblr post: https://www.tumblr.com/lulujamesspencer/785194402248327168/headcanon-accepted?source=share

The headcanon that @hollywoodbabylondean posited was as follows:
"Every year the O'Briens take a month to come to ds9 or Bajor and Kira takes a month to come to Earth
Molly calls her "Aunt Nerys" but to Yoshi, she's "Ma"
When he's 13, Kira gives him an earring
Yoshi becomes an artist. Kira cries when she finds out"

And I was like: Oh! Oh! Oh! YES!! And this bastard of a headcanon WOULD NOT leave me alone. So it marinated in the back of my brain until this story popped out. Thank the gods!

In reference to canon and such:

This story takes place approximately 5 years after the Borg-Changeling battle at the end of Picard S3 ep 10, and uses the base storyline of Yoshi O'Brien from Star Trek Online (ie: that he goes into Starfleet and becomes an engineer like his Dad). I also used Captain James Kurland from Star Trek Online as the captain of DS9, since I was using the Yoshi storyline from STO anyway.

This story DOES NOT follow the DS9 post series storylines in the EU books, but does follow known canon for the most part, primarily as told in Lower Decks where she's still in charge of DS9 at the time the Cerritos visits (post Voyager, but pre Picard). Given that timeline, and my headcanon, she's about 10 years into her semi-retirement when the Borg-Changeling incident happens. (In my head, she did help Odo relay information to Worf, but I didn't dig that far into that part of the Picard storyline for this.)

The only EU/book exception is that I have Garak as Castellan of Cardassia, since "Stitch In Time" by Andrew J. Robinson (Garak himself!) is my favorite of the Star Trek EU books (and really, I consider that canon. I will die on this hiil and I will ship Garashir till the day I die).

ahem Anyway, moving on.

Many of the Bajoran words and phrases were found via Memory Alpha and a wonderful post on The Trek BBS. Thank you to those two sites for that! FYI: Balleek basically means "go away," according to the lists. I'm kind of treating it more as a politer Bajoran way of saying "F--k off!"

The other part of this is, honestly, is that I never liked how they wrote Keiko O'Brien in DS9 and how they left the whole Surrogate storyline. But when this headcanon popped up, I was like, yeah! It's not that Keiko's a bad Mom-- she does her best and is loving as she's able-- it's just that she's just very involved in her work. I also hated that she was written as being annoyed with Miles when he works too much or has hobbies, without seeing that Miles had a vocation when it came to his engineering and Starfleet. So, apologies to folks who are Keiko fans. Kind of.

Then again, Molly is more like Keiko canonically. So, it would be fitting that Yoshi is much more like Miles. :)

The other thing you need to know is that I'm a Wiccan Christian pastor (ordained in both) and a religion/theology nerd, so Bajoran religion and how it was intwined in the show was my favorite aspects. In my head, I always believed that Kira would eventually become a monk. If you are any way like me and have a religious vocation, AND you watched DS9, you knew that she would as soon as she had that talk with Kai Opaka on the planet where they had to leave the Kai behind. I'm grateful to the DS9 writers for not writing that out when it came to Kira. I'm also pretty dang sure that I'm not the ONLY pastor who's vocation was confirmed because of Kira and DS9.

So, thank you to the DS9 writers and Gene for letting me swing on the monkeybars in your playground. If you ever read this story, I just want to thank you for inspiring me as a writer and pastor.

You will want tissues for this one. Possibly a whole box.

Chapter 1

Kira

The comms unit chimed, waking Kira from a deep sleep. Who'd be calling me at this hour? she wondered. She put on her robe and went to the desk, tapping receive. Captain Kurland came on the screen. "James," she said, "what's going on?"

He gave a small smile. "Actually, nothing, for once, but Professor O'Brien is on subspace for you. Says it's about Yoshi and urgent."

"Yoshi?" she asked out loud, worried. It'd been five years since the Borg incident and at least seven since the O'Brien's last visited. Thankfully, Molly and Yoshi had survived, and, as far as she knew, were
ok. Please, Prophets, I hope so! "Put him through!"

"One moment, Captain," he said. The screen blanked and Miles' face appeared from his house in San Francisco.

"Miles! Is everything all right?" Kira asked. Wow. He looks much older than the last time we'd talked, she thought.

Miles smiled, sadly. "In general, yeah, we're fine. Keiko's at a conference on Betazed. Molly's ship was doing escort duty, so they've gotten some extra Mother-Daughter time on the way there. The academy is on Spring break, so I've been grading papers for what seems like an eternity."

"But Yoshi?"

Miles sighed. "He told you he'd gotten married a few months before the Borg incident right?"

Kira nodded. "Yes. Sent me a letter right after that he wanted me to officiate a Bajoran ceremony for them the next time they had enough leave. We never planned it, though I haven't gotten any letters from Yoshi since--" Something clicked in her mind. "Oh no! Oh, Prophets! Did he--?"

The engineer nodded. "Dennis was on the bridge during the battle when his station was blown. From what I understand from the medics, Yoshi was on the bridge when it happened. Yoshi tried to stay in Starfleet, but when they were finally able to find Dennis' body, Yoshi wasn't the same. He went from ship to ship for a while, but they sent him to Starfleet medical for an in-patient psych eval. I even called Deanna to come see him, I was so worried, but he wouldn't talk to her about anything. About a year ago, after he came out of the hospital, he resigned his commission and came to live with me, but..." He shook his head.

"But he's still not talking to anyone," Kira said. It was a statement, not a question. Miles nodded.

"I'm worried, Nerys. I know he's suffering, and I'm worried if something doesn't change soon we might lose him, too. I was hoping, maybe, to send him to you on Bajor? I mean, it'll still be his decision, but you always had a way with him," Miles said. He gave Kira smile that told her much more than what he said out loud. Miles always had a hard time asking for help, even as he'd gotten older, but if he was actually asking out loud, Kira knew it was much more serious than he was letting on.

She thought for a moment. "Is he up now? I could ask him."

Miles brightened a bit. "Would you?"

Kira nodded. "Of course, Miles. You're family."

He smiled, even though the smile didn't reach his eyes. "Ok. One moment," he said. He moved away from the comms panel. There were voices off-screen after a few seconds, then Yoshi appeared. "Hey, Aunt Nerys," he said, flatly. "Dad said you wanted to talk to me?"

Kira nearly gasped. Yoshi looked thin and gaunt and had lost all the roundness in his face, which he had had since he was a baby. His voice was rough and had none of it's past cheerfulness. She didn't mince words or try to say anything to comfort him, since she knew, as she had lived with vedeks a long time now, that nothing she could say would really help give him any comfort. "Come to Bajor, Yoshi. I have a guest room in my cottage at the monastery. At the very least, it'll be a change of scenery away from anything Starfleet."

Yoshi narrowed his eyes at her and frowned. "Dad told you what happened?"

Kira nodded. "Of course. He's worried about you. Who else would he call?"

Yoshi sighed. "Can I say no?"

"You could," she said with a grin, "But then you'd have to deal with me sending you messages every day until you got here. Or, worse, me coming to get you."

"All right, Aunt Nerys. I'll come. I won't promise to like it," he said and walked off screen. Kira chuckled. Like father, like son, she thought.

Miles came back on looking relieved. "I'll have him on the first ship going to Bajor in the morning, no stops!"

Kira grinned at the man. "I'm sure you will. I'm glad you called me, Miles. I think you're right. I've never seen him look like that, even when he was depressed after he failed his first Starfleet Engineering exam!"

Miles frowned. "He's not the only kid from that battle in bad shape, Nerys. A whole generation of young officers was affected by the Borg-Changeling takeover, and many coming through the Academy were in various internships and other programs on those ships. The Academy's had to bring in a lot more psychologists since then. In fact, Starfleet Medical had Deanna come in to lead a special team just to take care of the victims. Last time I talked to her, she said that it's not as bad as it was, but they had a number of young Starfleet officers commit suicide in the last five years. I don't want Yoshi to be in that statistic."

"Hmmm..." Kira said, thinking. "I'll talk to the new Kai about it. Maybe we can offer some counseling and spiritual retreats for those who'd want or need it. Maybe set up a satellite clinic for Troi's team."

"That's a good idea! I'll send a message to Deanna to contact you about it. Maybe getting the worst cases out of Earth space and somewhere quiet and beautiful would help. Bajor is a pretty amazing place for that kind of thing," he said. "I know it's helped me a few times." His smile was a complicated mix of emotion.

Kira smiled, understanding. "You do that, Miles," she said. "And send me his flight information when you have it. I'll meet him at DS9 when he comes in."

Miles smiled, this time looking much more hopeful. "Thank you, Nerys. I appreciate this, and I know Keiko would say the same. Talk to you later!"

"I'll let you know how it goes, Miles," she said, and the comms panel went blank. Prophets above, what have you put my soul-son through? she wondered. She went over to her shrine, lighting a candle for Yoshi for a safe journey, with an extra prayer that Yoshi wouldn't completely break before he got to her.

Yoshi

The trip by runabout from the USS McAuliffe was short, since they were only a system away. The McAuliffe was moving on to a nearby sector of space, but was the fastest ship leaving Earth that was scheduled to go anywhere near Bajoran space. He wasn't the only person going to Bajor on this trip, but Yoshi didn't care. He hadn't talked to anyone outside of what was necessary since Earth, except for the captain. The courier ship was small, so there weren't many amenities like the larger ships. It was hard not to have something to distract him like a holodeck, since being on a Starfleet ship again brought up all the memories of things he'd rather not remember. So, he locked himself in his cabin and only came out for meals. The most annoying thing was that Captain McCullagh had been in his Dad's classes at the academy and was insistent that Yoshi join her for dinner each night. He indulged her in order to maintain the illusion that he was Miles O'Brien's son and happy because of that fact.

He was relieved when the Captain finally announced that the runabout for DS9 had arrived. "All those departing for Deep Space Nine, please report to shuttle bay five. I repeat, all those departing for Deep Space Nine, please report to shuttle bay five. The shuttle will be leaving at 1400. Please make sure you have all of your belongings with you. Thank you." Yoshi had packed as soon as he woke up, so he grabbed his bag and tried not to sprint for the shuttle bay.

He got there just as the runabout was entering the shuttle bay. There were a few other passengers that were in line with him: a couple of Bajorans, a Vulcan, and a few others he couldn't recognize the species of. Nearly all of them were in Starfleet uniforms. Yoshi leaned against the wall, avoiding the others, waiting to board. Please, Prophets, or any other gods, don't let the Captain come down to see me off, he prayed.

"Yoshi!" exclaimed a voice behind him. He let out a sigh and resisted rolling his eyes. Why Mama Nerys believes in you, Prophets, I'll never know! You certainly don't answer my prayers! He turned his head to see Captain McCullagh waving from down the hall and pushed himself upright. I'm so tired. Why can't everyone just leave me alone?

McCullagh stopped in front of him. "I just wanted to see you off, Yoshi!" she said, holding out her hand. "Thanks for your indulgence, really. I know you probably would have wanted to talk about anything else during our dinners, but, well..."

"No, it's ok," he replied, taking her hand and shaking it briefly. "Really."

She smiled. "I did have one message for you, though. Our CMO, Doctor Krin, said to tell you had to report to Doctor Bashir when you got to DS9 and that they'd know if you didn't go."

Yoshi sighed again. "Tell them I will," he replied. Mama Nerys will make me go, anyway. He tried to smile at the woman, but given the look on McCullagh's face, it didn't work. The door to the shuttle bay opened. "Um. I should go. Thanks."

"Safe tripe, Yoshi," she said. "And for what it's worth, I hope you find some peace." Yoshi looked up at her in surprise. The woman smiled and pointed to her head. "I'm part Vulcan." She said with a wink,
waved, and headed for the lift.

He stared after her for a moment, confused. She felt-- she knew? This whole time? Was she was trying to distract me? He shook his head and boarded the runabout.

"Yoshi!" called a familiar voice as he walked through the doors and into the waiting area on the docking ring. Mama Nerys was waving off to one side in her orange robes with Doctor Bashir next to her, strangely, seeing both of them eased something in his chest and he felt like he could breathe a little for the first time in years. He waved back as he followed the stream of passengers into the hall. Even though he hadn't spent as much time on DS9 as his parents or sister, it always felt like home when he came back to Bajor. It brought up a memory of a conversation he'd had with Dennis about it.

"Do you want to live on Bajor someday?" Dennis asked one night after some spectacular love-making in our shared quarters.

"Why do you say that?" Yoshi asked.

He rolled over and put an arm over Yoshi's chest. "Well, you talk about Bajor, DS9 and your aunt like they're your home, not Earth. As if Kira was your actual Mum, rather than Keiko. Don't get me wrong, I know you love your Mom and Dad, but honestly, if something's up, you write or call Kira, not them."

Yoshi shrugged. "Well, we'd spend all our school holidays there when I was at the Academy, and we'd go for a least a month every year, since Mom thought it was important that I had a relationship with her, too, given what happened around my birth. Aunt Nerys would come visit us wherever she could at least once a year, when she could, even if it was only for a few days." Yoshi laughed. "It always made me wonder about those three, but Mom told me once, while she wouldn't have minded being a triad, Dad was strictly monogamous, and Kira was seeing someone when I was born, so it wouldn't have worked out." He shrugged again. "I don't know, I suppose that since Aunt Nerys carried me as a baby, we just have a connection.

Dennis lifted his head from his chest. "She has a connection with you, too, silly boy! She gave you an earring, didn't she?"

"Yeah. When I turned fourteen," Yoshi replied. "I know it's special, but she didn't really explain it and I never thought to ask."

Dennis shook his head. "Yoshi, she considers you family! Bajorans have a coming of age ceremony called Itanu when they turn fourteen. She might even consider you a soul-child. It's not very common, but it's kind of a spiritual adoption. You might even have the right to citizenship, if I remember right. I think you know that she thinks of you that way, anyway, since she's always been there for you."

Yoshi was thoughtful for a moment. "You might be right. There was always something between us when we went to Bajor, and while her and Molly got along well enough, Molly was more apt to go with Mom and Dad on their science excursions or conferences on Bajor while I stayed with Aunt Nerys. We'd talk about a lot of things, and she never thought my art was silly." He smiled. "How do you know so much about Bajoran stuff?"

Dennis chuckled against his skin, sending little jolts of pleasure through Yoshi. "I minored in Religions at the Academy and took a course on Bajoran Spirituality. Mostly because of the Bajoran vedek who taught the class was pretty hot, but it actually turned out to be one of my favorite classes. Never got a date with the guy, but he and his class was really interesting!" Yoshi laughed, too, and then Dennis began to do things that made him forget the universe for a while.

Yoshi took a deep breath, trying not to cry at the memory. No! Not again! Suddenly the hallway and all the people seemed too much and he froze. The world became grey and his vision began to narrow. I can't breathe! he tried to say out loud, but his throat had closed up. Yoshi stumbled, trying to take another step away from the crowd, when someone bumped into him and he fell to his knees.

Hands tried to help him up and he tried to shake himself out of their grip. His throat opened up enough for him to yell "Don't touch me!" The hands all went away, and something cool and metal touched his neck. What? The tightness in his chest and the fog started to dissipate, and he took some deep breaths.

"It's a good thing you had me come with you, Nerys," Julian said. "Are you staying over night, or going right back to Bajor?"

"I think we'll head right to Bajor, Julian," Mama Nerys said. "Getting some fresh planet air and some quiet would probably be better, right Yoshi?"

He nodded. Looking around, he realized all the other passengers had left and they were the only ones in the hallway. "Thanks," Yoshi said, his voice as rough as sandpaper.

"Anytime," the doctor said, handing him the hypo. "That hypo-spray should last you about a month. I want you to take it once a day for now, and keep it on you, just in case you have another panic attack." He turned to Mama. "There's a clinic near the monastery, right?" he asked

Mama Nerys nodded. "Yes, and they have a good mental health team there."

"Good, then at the end of the month, you can check in with the psychiatrist there and decide if you want to continue to take the medicine every day or just keep it on an as-needed basis." He smiled, kindly. "Don't worry, I'll send you and Kira all the instructions so you don't forget and contact the doctors at the clinic for you." He stood and held out a hand.

"Right," Yoshi said, took the offered hand, and stood. He turned to Mama Nerys, who smiled and opened her arms. He fell into her embrace like she was a well after walking in the desert. He started crying, even though he wasn't quite sure exactly what he was crying about.

Mama Nerys murmured something and he heard footsteps walking away. She held him until his crying slowed, then she pulled away and said, "All right Yoshi, let's go home."

Kira

She opened the door to her small house at the monastery. "It's not much, but it's home," she said, moving aside to let Yoshi in. "You hungry? I can make a pretty decent hasperat now!"

"That sounds good. Not too spicy, though," he replied. "It's been a while."

"Ok. I'll go make it while you put your stuff away. You're room is the second room on the right." Kira pointed down the hall off the common area. He nodded and slowly made his way down the hall. She stared after him, worried. I wonder why he didn't call me to talk about this? She didn't even have to touch his ear to know that he pagh was damaged badly. Taking the hasperat out of stasis, she began to fix the wraps for both of them. The panic attack at the shuttle was a clear indication of that. I haven't seen someone in that much pain since the Dominion War! Kira sighed. The way he held on to me... She shook her head. It breaks my heart. It brought up old emotions that she thought she'd dealt with a long time ago. She pushed them away as she brought the hasperat to the table. "Yoshi, lunch is ready!" she called out.

He had changed into a lighter shirt and pants, since it was late spring in this hemisphere of Bajor and it was warm. Kira offered him a seat and he took it. He stared at the hasperat for a long moment. She sat across from it and picked up her own, and taking a bite, raised her eyebrows at him. He sighed and finally picked it up. "It's good," he said after taking a bite. "Although, it's still you-spiced."

She grinned. "You're lucky I didn't put habaneros on yours. Or jalapenos!"

"Habeneros and jalapenos? Seriously?"

"Jake sent me a few of his grandfather's plants after Joe died. It's warm enough here that I can grow them in the garden." She chuckled. "Benjamin suggested I try it one day after I had them in his jambalaya. I used to get jars of pickled habaneros from Earth from Joe from time to time."

"Do you miss him?" Yoshi asked, quietly. "Sisko, I mean?"

Kira put down her hasperat and nodded. "Every day, Yoshi."

He toyed with pieces of the kava-flour wrap. "How... how do you deal with it?"

She sighed. "Let me tell you something, Yoshi: grief is hard. You deal with it in your own way and your own time. It's not something you just get over, no matter what anyone says." Kira paused, took a bite of her hasperat, thinking. "To answer your question: I live with my grief. I pray to the Prophets. I try to remember him as he was when he was here. And when the memories make me feel sad, I cry. Or pray. Or both. It's been long time, though, so the memories don't make me cry as much anymore. Although, the anniversary of his ascension to the Temple is always a difficult time of year."

Yoshi nodded, took a few more bites of his hasperat, then pushed his plate away. "I'm sorry, M- Aunt Nerys, I'm not as hungry as I thought." He stood up and went back down the hall to the guest room.

What was that? she wondered. She finished her own hasperat, then put the plates in the replicator to recycle. She left Yoshi to himself and took a walk in the gardens to think and pray.

Yoshi mostly slept in the first couple of weeks, and Kira let him. She made sure he ate and bathed and took him out into the gardens with her when he felt up to it. What surprised her, though, was that he didn't have a notebook with him. In fact, she hadn't seen him even doodle once. Had he given up art all together? she wondered. I hope not!

She asked him about it one day when he came with her to weed the flower beds next to the stream that ran through the monastery. "Why don't you have your notebook and pens with you?"

He looked up from the flowers he was weeding. "I do, but..."

"But?"

"I can't," he said and walked away from the flowers.

Kira wiped her hands on her apron and followed. "Why not? Your drawings were always so wonderful! Art can help with grief and--"

"I CAN'T!" he yelled. He didn't turn around, but he looked up at the sky and took a breath. "I'm sorry. I can't," he said, quieter this time. "Just, please, drop it!"

"Ok, Yoshi," she replied, gently.

"No, it's not ok," he said and went back into the house.

Kira went returned to the flower bed and her weeding. That's not good, she thought. I may not be able to do that kind of art, but I know how healing it can be for those so inclined.

"How's your nephew doing?" asked a voice on the other side of the stream. Kira looked up to see Vedek Urdel, the Kai's secretary, taking over where Yoshi had left off.

"Vedek, it's good to see you! You're back from DS9?"

He nodded. "The Kai and I were meeting with some Earth religious leaders. It was rather fascinating, actually! Earth's religious history is nearly as contentious as ours, especially since they have so many different deities and traditions! There's even some that had caste systems like we did! I may have to make more of a study of it one day," he said, then grinned. "But you didn't answer my question."

Kira sat put her hands on her knees, sitting back in the short chair she used for gardening these days. "He's in so much pain, vedek! I'm not sure what do for him, other than give him time. I want to suggest that he set up a duranja for his husband, but I don't think even that would work right now." She sighed. "What's worse, Urdel, is that he stopped doing his art! He won't even give himself the comfort of that!"

"Grief is hard, Nerys. You, of all people, know that," he said.

"I know, I know! But to watch my--" Kira swallowed the word she wanted to say. "My nephew be in that much pain. I just want to fix things for him! I know I can't, but I feel so helpless!"

Urdel stared at Kira for a long time. Instinctively, she rubbed her free earlobe, since he had a way of making her earlobe twitch without even touching it. He stood up, put the weeds he'd plucked into the compost bin, and rinsed his hands in the stream. "Do you remember that monastery you stayed at a long time ago? The one where you tried to fix the rock in the stream?" he asked when he stood up.

How in the world did he know about that? she wondered. "Yes?"

He grinned. "You know, that rock still isn't straight, but it's there. It's worn over more than it was, since you tried to fix it. I suppose it's not that useless rock after all, given your memories." He put his hands behind his back and started to walk away.

"Vedeks!" Kira scoffed.

"Takes one to know one, as the humans say," Urdel said, turning back to Kira.

"Balleek!" she said, annoyed.

Urdel turned and walked away with a wave, his laughter echoing through the garden.

Yoshi

"Eliminate all unassimilated!" said the voices in Yoshi's head, which he heard himself repeat. His body obeyed the commands automatically, no matter how hard his real mind wanted to break out of the hold the Borg had on him. NO! he thought. We can't!

The order to kill the unassimilated was relentless, and no matter how hard Yoshi tried to fight it. Dennis! he screamed in his head. Strangely, as if his scream was a locator beacon, he knew Dennis was alive and on the bridge through the collective.

"No! Lieutenant! Stop!" shouted the chief as Yoshi and the other junior officers gunned him down before leaving engineering. His mind beat against the Borg cage, but his body followed the others, killing any older officer that shot back, heading for the bridge.

On the bridge, several of the junior officers were unconscious on the floor, and from the door of the lift Yoshi could see the captain and first officer putting up a fight. "Mara! Get to comms!" the captain shouted.

"I'm trying, sir, but--" the first officer yelled back. Yoshi's group exited the lift and started shooting. The captain fell first, and from the back of his mind, he could see that there was now a ship fighting the fleet. He saw Dennis shoot the first officer, while the whole ship rocked and all of the Borg-infected took stations.

"Fire!" the leader said, the order echoing through collective. Yoshi wanted to look over at Dennis to make sure he was all right, but he still couldn't break the hold the Borg had on him. The fight kept going until suddenly, the world erupted in fire and light.

The next time he was conscious, red alerts were wailing and the hum of strong force fields filled his ears. Everything was loud and conduits were sparking, but, to his relief the Borg cage in his mind was gone. He groaned and clutched his head as he sat up slowly and looked around. Dennis! was the first thought he had, but when he turned his head to where the comms station should have been, there was nothing but open space. Oh, God, no! he thought. He tried to stand, but couldn't as pain shot up his leg and hip. He crawled over to the hole, checking each body as he went, but none of them had the face that had been so familiar to him as his own. "DENNIS!" he shouted, but no answer came. Yoshi kept shouting into the hole on the bridge as if, maybe he could call his husband from Heaven itself.

"DENNIS!"

"Yoshi!" someone said, grabbing his hands. "Yoshi!" they called again.

"DENNIS!" he yelled again to the open hole in space.

"Yoshi! Wake up!" the other voice said.

He blinked and suddenly he was in his bedroom at Mama Nerys' house on Bajor. Mama was holding his hands in her firm grip, looking worried. "Yoshi! You were having a nightmare!" she said.

Yoshi crumpled. "Mama!" he cried out and clung to Kira. "All I see is his face with those Borg eyes! All I hear is the chief and the captain telling me stop as we gunned them down! I couldn't stop my body! I couldn't do anything, Mama! My mind saw everything! I was a monster! I killed so many, and then when I woke up--" His breathing became more shallow and the low light from the hallway started to disappear. "I can't-- I'm--"

The cool metal of the hypo-spray touched touched his neck. "I'm here, Yoshi. I'm not going anywhere. Just breathe with me, all right?" Mama Nerys said, holding him in her arms, quietly chanting a prayer, as she rocked him gently. He sobbed, and, as if the dream, the rocking, and the drug had broken a wall in him, he told her about how the Borg had taken him and the other juniors over. How they'd killed the captain and other older officers, and how he'd woken up, realizing Dennis' station had been blown into space. He told her how he'd screamed into that hole in the bridge for his husband until the medics found him and knocked him out.

Mama Nerys held him as all the emotions he'd bottled up for the sake of being an O'Brien came tumbling out. "I felt so helpless, Mama. I couldn't do anything! I wanted to stop, I wanted to save Dennis, too, but I couldn't do anything! I couldn't break through!" he cried, and started to feel the panic come back.

"I know, Yoshi, I know, but what could you have done? You were one being against the Borg and Changelings," she said.

"I should have fought harder! I should have--"

"Should have what? What could you have done against something that you no control over?"

"But, you don't understand--"

She pulled back, a hard look in her eyes. "I understand more than you know, Yoshi." The sadness and anger in her voice felt like a slap, sobering him.

"I'm sorry," he said, quietly.

Mama took a deep breath and sighed. "I'll tell you something I've barely told anyone else, Yoshi. I know you've heard of Bareil Antos, and before he died, he was my husband in all but name, and as much as I love Odo, I probably would have married Antos if he had lived. But the plasma explosion and Kai Winn's ego took him away from me and there was nothing I could do. I couldn't fight the deterioration of his mind and I couldn't fight both his dying wish and the Kai. It was like I was beating at this cage in my head that forced me to watch my love, my partner, slip away." Her eyes were far away. Yoshi knew that Bareil was a vedek who died that was instrumental in the first treaty with Cardassia before the Dominion War and that he was someone that Mama Nerys had loved a long time ago, but she had never told him what she had truly felt about him before. "I spent months in prayer afterwards, trying to figure out what I could have done to save him," she continued, "but after a while, I had to accept that there was nothing I could have done. No matter how much that hurt."

Yoshi stared at their hands, since Mama Nerys was still holding his. "I miss Dennis so much, Mama. It hurts. It hurts so much." He began sobbing again, this time quietly, as the drug that doctor had given him had finally taken the hard edges off the emotions.

She pulled him into a hug. "I know, Yoshi. I know."

At some point, they both went back to bed, and it was mid-morning before Yoshi woke up again to the smell of breakfast. His eyes were sore and his nose fell twice it's size from crying. Sitting up, he thought of something and went to the closet where he's stashed his duffel. He rummaged in it and found the small wooden box he always carried with him, grateful it hadn't been destroyed in the Borg battle. Then he also pulled out his sketchbook and pencils. The art supplies he put on his bed. He wasn't sure if he'd pick them up today or tomorrow, but somehow, telling Mama Nerys about what happened seemed to crack something open in his heart and there was a need to at least have the paper and pencils out.

The box he held in his hands, staring at the Bajoran carvings on it. He opened it and the earring Mama had given him on his fourteenth birthday was sitting on dark red velvet. It looked a lot like her's, but with some added designs she said she asked the jewelry artist to add to represent him. It was a beautiful artwork of gold, latinum, and silver. He took it out of its velvet nest and put it on. Somehow, especially after last night, it just felt right. The first thing to feel right for me in a very long time, he thought. He put the box on the nightstand and left the bedroom.

Kira

She practically begged the replicator for her raktijino the next morning, feeling exhausted from the admission and holding space for Yoshi. While Antos hadn't been the first person she'd loved that she'd had to let go like that, his death had been one of the hardest because it had been so senseless. Her heart broke for Yoshi because she knew how he was feeling, and part of her wanted to rail at the Prophets for her son.

She shook her head. He has a mother, Nerys, she scolded herself.

But he called you Mama last night, another part of her mind said. He is your the son of your soul, and you know it. The memories of carrying him, birthing him, and the grief she'd felt in having to let the idea of being his mother go came in a rush. You never really let that go, did you, Nerys? Especially after he kept coming to you as a child. She shook her head at the thought, wiping her eyes, her raktijino forgotten.

Before she could get too far into her own head, she heard footsteps come from the hall. She looked up and gasped. Yoshi was standing there wearing the earring she had gotten for him for his fourteenth birthday. "You still have it?" she blurted out.

He nodded and sat at the table. "I've always kept it with me. I was relieved that I hadn't lost it during the Borg crisis. Somehow, our room was on the side of the ship that stayed intact. I'm not sure if I completely believe in the Prophets, but..." He gave a small smile-- the first genuine smile she seen from him since he'd come to Bajor.

"Yoshi, as much as I'm happy to see you wear it, and touched that you called me Mama last night, you have a mother," Kira said.

He stared at her for a long moment, the went to the replicator. "Raktijino, double strong, double sweet." He took the drink when it materialized and sat back at the table. "Mama," he said, then grinned again, shaking his head. "I've been calling you that so long in my head that it's almost a relief to finally say it in front of you out loud."

"What?"

"Don't get me wrong, I love Mom and she's never been mean to me or neglectful of me, but she always had her plants and her conferences and her planetary rehabilitation projects. She never really had time for me as a child, and it got easier as I got older to relate to her as an adult. Besides, Molly was always closer to her than I was." He took a sip of his coffee. "Dad and I got along a bit better, and he got me into engineering, but he's Miles O'Brien. Honestly, the only time I felt like I had a parent I could really talk to was when we'd come and visit you."

"Yoshi--"

"No, I mean it. Just like last night, you cared about me. You didn't care that I was Miles O'Brien's son, or that I was an engineer, or that I got into Starfleet. You always asked about me and how I was feeling and my art and if I was seeing anyone, and all those little things. You hugged me, really hugged me, if I got hurt. I always knew that you'd tell me the truth, Mama," he said. "Even if it was a hard truth."

"You've felt this way all this time?" she asked, quietly.

Yoshi nodded. "Dennis told me, when I showed him the earring, that there's a Bajoran custom of a soul-child, and I don't know if it counts, but I consider you my soul-mother, since you've been my mother in all the ways that matter." The pain of remembering his husband showed on his face, but he continued, "I only called you 'Aunt Nerys' because I was trying to not to upset Mom and Dad or the image other people had of us. But I don't care about that anymore, Mama." He paused. "If I have to live life without Dennis and live with this grief, I don't want to have to lie about anything else in my life. It's too exhausting."

Kira stared at Yoshi, in shock, mostly, but all the emotions she had buried when she had given birth to him and after came flooding back. She let her tears flow freely. "You really feel that? For me?"

He nodded. "It's always been Mom and Mama in my head since I was a kid."

She took a deep breath. "There was always a part of me that wanted to be more than just your aunt, but I let that go and grieved it because you weren't, technically, my child. Your parents were good about involving me in your life as much as they could, but it was complicated. I know your parents considered me family, and Miles loved me as a sister, considering all we'd been through, but everything I felt for you, I had to push away." She pursed her lips together and looked up towards the ceiling, closing her eyes tight. "But, I would gladly, then and now, call you my son."

She felt a hand take hers, and opened her eyes to see Yoshi standing above her. His face was a mix of joy and pain. "Mama," he said. "I need help. I don't know who I am anymore or how to get better."

Kira nodded. "You're home, now, Yoshi. My son. You have all the time you need to figure it out." she said, giving his hand a squeeze.

"Thanks, Mama," he said, and she saw him smile his first true smile since he'd come to Bajor.

Chapter 2

Kira

"Major!" Garak said in his message. "You know, it's always hard to call you Captain. Although, I wonder, should I call you ranjen or even prylar or vedek now? Anyway, I've sent my painting to the museum curator by special messenger. I'm sure you'll get a message once it arrives," he said, then got a far away look in his eyes. "I wish I could be there for the reception, but my duties on Cardassia right now won't allow for it. I told Julian he has to go in my place, and he assures me that he will be there 'with bells on.'" Garak shook his head. "Humans have the oddest phrases, and my Starfleet husband has always been a strange man. Anyway, do send me the recording of the opening and take care of yourself, Major!"

Kira laughed. Starfleet husband! Garak, Julian, and Garak's husband on Cardassia should just declare themselves a triad and be done with it! Cardassia's opened itself up enough over the years. I don't think anyone would begrudge their Castellan the extra happiness. Maybe. She shrugged. I'm glad he's loaning his painting to the museum for the next couple of years, though. The collection wouldn't be complete without it.

She sat back in her chair and frowned. And what's with everyone thinking I'm going to be a vedek? She shook her head again. I should go check on Yoshi, she thought, and left the house.

Yoshi was outside in the garden, sitting at a table with a large notebook, a box pencils, and a strange ink and stone set, along with some long handled brushes. He'd finally taken up his art again, which relieved Kira, but instead of the faces and figures he used to draw, he'd taken to drawing the trees and flowers of the garden in different styles. Over the last two months, his health began to improve, and although he still had nightmares and his eyes still looked haunted, he was less gaunt than when he'd come onto the subspace call where I told him to come to Bajor.

She smiled, watching him work, before she went over to disturb him. His earring, which he hadn't taken off since he told me about how he felt, glittered in the sunlight. Thank you, Prophets, for bringing my son home, she sent as a prayer, then walked over to the table.

"Hey Mama," Yoshi said, not looking up from the paper. The bold, black lines he was creating stunned me. It was the suggestion of a flower, but seemed to hold space for a lot more, and there were characters that looked similar to Bajoran writing, but were much more pointed than square. It was both familiar and different.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"It's called sumi-e," he said. "It's a style of Japanese painting. Mom let me take a class in it on Earth while I was still in regular school. It's a minimalist technique that I haven't done in a long time, so I got the supplies from the replicator to see if I still remembered how to do it. It felt right today, for some reason."

"That's amazing!" Kira said, trying not to tear up at how similar it was to Ziyal's work. Hmmm... she thought. I wonder... it's been a month since he's used the hypo. "Yoshi, I need to go into the capital to the museum today. I'm helping to curate a special art exhibit and we've received one of the last paintings today that was in a private collection. Would you like to come with me for a private viewing of it?"

Fear flashed in Yoshi's eyes at going into a place with people, but he also seemed curious. "I don't know, Mama, there's so many people--"

Kira waved a hand. "I've got plenty of transporter credits, thanks to being semi-retired. We'll just transporter over, and if being at the museum is too much, you can just transport back here." She smiled. "Tell you what, bring your sketchbook and your hypo. No one will bother you if you're working while I'm talking with the curator, and you'll have the hypo just in case. Besides, I think you'll appreciate the artist."

He narrowed his eyes. "You're planning something, Mama."

She laughed. "I might be. But I think you'll like it. I'll explain more when we get there."

Yoshi relented. "Ok, Mama, I'll go. I can't promise anything."

"You really are like your father, sometimes, you know that?"

He laughed. "Is that an insult or a compliment?"

"Always a compliment, son, always," she said. "We'll leave in about an hour."

"Ok," he said, and went back to the flower on the page.

Yoshi

The museum, thankfully, was quiet and cool. Yoshi appreciated that Bajorans always held art as sacred as their Prophets. The curator came over to Mama and shook her hand. After introducing him, the curator led them through the maze of the Bajoran National Fine Art Center. They went past paintings, sculpture, calligraphy, and many other types of art, all of which fascinated Yoshi, giving him ideas. He made a mental note to ask Mama if he could come back again to do some studies. He smiled to himself. Mama knew I'd like being here.

Finally, after what seemed like an hour, they stopped outside a closed room with a sign that read, "Exhibit Installation in Progress -- Museum personnel and guests only." Mama Nerys took a deep breath. "Has Garak's painting arrived?"

The curator nodded. "It came yesterday. The restoration team took a look at it, but there was nothing to do. He's taken very good care of it."

Mama grinned. "I'm not surprised." She turned to Yoshi. "You ready?"

"Yes," he replied, confused as to why she was so nervous. He knew Garak was the Castellan of Cardassia, but had no idea why Mama would help bring a painting that came from there for an exhibit.

Mama Nerys went to the closed door and opened it. The room itself was plain, painted a medium grey, with soft gallery lighting and no windows. In the center of the room was a partial wall with benches around it and the picture of a Cardassian woman smiling, in a painting smock, holding a brush, as if she was in a class. Someone had painted in a large, beautiful Universal script "Tora Ziyal" above a typed artist statement in Universal, Bajoran, and Cardassian. Mama went up to the picture and put her hand lightly on it, not disturbing it. Yoshi saw her wipe her eyes after a moment.

He went to stand next to her. "Are you ok, Mama?" he asked.

"It's beautiful," she said. "It's one of the few pictures I had of her where she was truly happy."

"You knew her?"

She nodded. "She was my soul-daughter. You and her are a lot alike, really. She had a famous father, too. Unfortunately, she died towards the end of the Dominion War. Her father killed her."

Yoshi took her hand and squeezed it gently. He didn't know what to say, so he just stood quietly as they both read the statement. It talked about her style and only said she was a victim of the Dominion War. The only other thing it said was the the exhibit was a joint project between the Bajoran Artist's Guild and the Cardassian Art Ministry that would, after two years, move to the Cardassian National Gallery on Cardassian Prime.

Mama patted his hand. "You should go look at her paintings, Yoshi," she said.

"Will you be ok?" he asked.

She nodded. "I just need a minute."

He let go of her hand and moved to the paintings on the walls. To his surprise, many of them were similar to sumi-e with minimalist lines and colors. There were flowers and abstracts, and some with the suggestion of faces. He was entranced, taken in by the power in their simplicity. She must have been an amazing person, he thought. It's a shame she died so young.

He made his way slowly to the back of the room, taking in each piece he saw, his mind filling with ideas. But on the back wall, separated slightly from the other paintings, were three slightly larger pieces than the others. They were suggestions of faces, but each of them had a power to them that he could feel, even at a distance. The one on the right he immediately knew was Mama Nerys, with that fierce, but protective look in her eyes. Yoshi smiled. Ziyal had captured that familiar look perfectly. The characters on the painting, in Bajoran said "Warrior." Yoshi thought it was fitting.

The painting on the left suggested a Cardassian male, with an expression that was just as fierce as Mama's, but much more complicated. There was more red ink than black around him. The characters on this painting were in Cardassian and the card next to it said the word was "Father." While he didn't know much about this person, Yoshi understood the complexity all too well, given the relationship with his own father.

The center one, though, held him like no other painting had. It was clearly a man with an intense gaze. There was both black and red lines for him, too, but his gaze held a gentleness to it that made it feel that his gaze was only for the person who he was looking at. It was soft and dangerous, all at the same time. In Cardassian was the word "Exile" and in Bajoran was one of the words for "Love." It was the word that suggested more than family, not necessarily lovers, but a closeness through shared experience. Although, the way it was painted, he had no doubt in his mind that Ziyal had loved this man, whoever he was. Yoshi could feel it emanating from the work, and it reminded him a lot of his love for Dennis. Dennis would sometimes give me that kind of look and make me feel this way, Yoshi thought. The room became quiet as he contemplated the painting, so much so that his heartbeat began to throb in his ears and everything became light.

"Why are you here?" asked a feminine voice. He turned away from the painting to find Tora Ziyal herself was standing next to him.

"I came to look at your paintings," Yoshi replied.

"No, why are you here?" Ziyal repeated, and suddenly the room became loud with the red alert klaxon and he was marching with the other officers to the lift, killing people in their wake.

"No! Please! Stop!" he yelled, putting his hands over his ears. "Don't make me come back here!"

The noise stopped. "You need to let me go," said a familiar voice. Yoshi opened his eyes and put his hands down to see Dennis in front of him, holding out his hands in the chapel. It was their wedding day, and Yoshi was in his dress uniform.

"I can't," Yoshi said. "I love you, Dennis!"

Dennis smiled and the room faded, becoming bright white. A deep voice said, "You've gotten big, Yoshi."

He turned towards the voice to see a bald, dark-skinned man in an older Starfleet captain's uniform emerge from the whiteness. "Are you--?" Yoshi began.

The man smiled. "Yes, I'm Ben Sisko. I'm sure your father's told you all about our days on DS9, huh?"

Yoshi nodded. "All the time, sir," he replied.

"Of course he did," Sisko chuckled, then his face sobered. "It's hard being the son of a legend. You should compare notes with Jake sometime." He stared at Yoshi, and it felt like there was more than Ben Sisko looking straight through him into his soul. The room changed again, and once again, he was on the bridge, with the red alert blaring and seeing Dennis with the face of a Borg, right before the blast. The scene shifted again, and he was screaming out the open hole for his husband. Then it was quiet again, just him and Sisko, staring out through the hole of the ship into space.

"Oh, Yoshi, I'm so sorry," he said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I see why they brought you here. I lost my wife, too, to the Borg. When I first met the Prophets, they showed me that even though human time is linear, I had left my soul in the moment that Jennifer died." Sisko turned me to look at him. "You can't stay in that moment, Yoshi, and forget to live. Jennifer didn't want that for me, and I would bet that Dennis wouldn't want that for you."

"But it's so hard. This ship, this moment, is all I can seen in my dreams and when I close my eyes," Yoshi said. "How do I get over that?"

Sisko smiled at him, and Yoshi had never felt such compassion before. "You don't," he said. "But the more you talk to your friends and family about what you went through, and about the man your husband was before he died, the easier it becomes to live with it. Grief, as the Prophets say, is not linear."

Yoshi nodded.

"It's time to go, son. They tell me to say that you, Yoshi, are of Bajor, if you want to be. And tell Nerys..." He smiled again. "Tell her I'm still here, but I miss her, Kassidy, and everyone terribly." He put a hand on Yoshi's shoulder, and Ziyal and Dennis were standing behind him, both whole. They nodded and everything faded into a blinding white light.

Kira

"The exhibit is all I could have hoped for Ezi," she told the curator. "It's perfect."

The curator smiled. "Thank you, Kira. I'm so glad you were able to ask the Castellan to send his painting. It's such a powerful piece, and it really does complete the collection." She eyed Kira for a moment. "Have you see his painting?"

Kira shook her head. "No. She gave it to him before she died."

"Hmm. Come with me," she said, leading her to the far end of the room where three larger paintings of faces were on display. Yoshi was already standing in front of the central one. "Oh, your son already found them!"

"I see that."

"Well, I think you'll agree, that the three of these belong together, given the composition," she said, bringing Kira to stand behind Yoshi. She gasped. All three paintings were extremely powerful, but it had been the first time she'd seen Garak's. She took it in, and the words Ziyal had so artfully included on the paper, and sighed. She knew Ziyal had loved him, but now she knew just how much. She'll never regret putting the fear of the Prophets into him about hurting her, but Kira could see now that he had truly cared about her, too.

"I take it you like this one, too, Yoshi?" she asked. When Yoshi didn't answer, she turned to see that he wasn't truly staring at the painting. A familiar feeling came off him, and she knew he was experiencing pagh'tem'far. "Yoshi?" she asked again, quietly. He turn his head, but wasn't seeing her, then he crumpled to the floor.

"Ezi, help me get him to the bench," Kira ordered, and the curator did so. She laid Yoshi down, then sat next to the bench on the floor. "Pagh'tem'far," she said to Ezi by way of explanation.

The woman nodded in understanding. "I'll leave you to him and his vision, then, since I'm no vedek. I'll keep the others out until you leave."

"Thanks, Ezi," Kira said. When she was gone, Kira took Yoshi's hand and began to pray.

Kira wasn't sure how long they were in the exhibit hall, but suddenly, Yoshi gasped, then tried to sit up, but ended up falling off the bench instead. "I'm back!" he said. "I was--"

She held up a hand. "No, what the Prophets showed you is for you alone. You experienced pagh'tem'far, a visit from the Prophets, and it's up to you to figure out what it all means."

Yoshi thought for a moment. "Ok, but I have a message for you. From Sisko."

Kira's eyes went wide. "A message? From Ben?"

He nodded. "He said to tell you he's still here and the he misses you, Kassidy, and everyone terribly." He looked confused for a moment. "He also told me that I was 'of Bajor' if I wanted to be-- what does that mean?"

Kira wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "What do you think it means?" she asked.

He took a deep breath. "It feels--" He thought for a moment. "I think I'm home, Mama," he said.

She nodded, then opened her arms. He hugged her, both of them feeling the blessing of the Prophets.

Epilogue

Kira looked up from the PADD where she was reading a recent letter from Miles. They were out in the gardens. Yoshi was set up with an easel closer to the flowerbeds, drawing a picture of one of the other prylar novitiates he'd gotten close to in the last year. She'd been so proud when he took his first vows six months ago. Yoshi laughed at something Zimo said, making both young men smile, and it made her heart glad to see him actually happy again. She picked up the PADD from the garden table where she was sitting and continued the letter:

"I'm not really good at emotional stuff, as you know, but I've talked with Keiko about what Yoshi's told us, and, well, Keiko said to me that she's ok with it. He still considers her Mom, and for her that's enough for her, especially if he's happy with his life. That's all both of us really want, you know? Surprisingly, she said that if she had really thought about it, and if we hadn't left DS9, she would have happily considered co-parenting with you as he got older. I'm not sure what I feel about that, since it was rather awkward when you lived with us, but that's all in the past.

"Regardless of any of that, to see him smiling and healthy again is better than anything, and I'm glad he's found his place in the universe. He's just following family tradition, anyway. Many O'Briens have been priests of one sort or another, and Keiko reminded me the other day that her family had a lot of Shinto and Buddhist priests. I suppose he gets the art stuff from his Irish heritage, too. Did I ever tell you about Ireland's art heritage? I can't remember."

Kira laughed. Many times, Miles, she thought, then returned to the letter.

"Anyway, I need to wrap this up, as Molly's ship is at the new Earth docks and she's coming home for dinner. Keiko and I hope to come to Bajor to visit the two of you soon. Love, Miles."

Kira put the PADD aside and adjusted her robes. She heard footsteps behind her, and after a moment, Vedek Urdel sat down at the table with her, watching Yoshi and Zimo work. "So, how are you, ranjen?"

"Balleek," she said, half-heartedly. She wasn't really that annoyed with the title, but she wasn't going to tell Urdel that.

Urdel laughed. "I can't help but use the only title you'll grudgingly accept."

Kira rolled her eyes. "Yes, well, my son will make you a fine vedek one day, don't you worry."

"I think you're right," he said. "You've taught him well."

"What? Me?"

"Oh, he still needs to catch up on the Prophecies and all that, but all the important parts of being a priest he learned from you," Urdel said. "You've come a long way, Kira. It's time you've acknowledged that for yourself."

"Damn vedeks," she said with a grin.

"Yes, well, we are quite annoying." He stood. "The Kai would like you to come to dinner at the end of the week to discuss the mental health program for the Borg victims you want to set up. She really likes the idea and Starfleet Medical is on board."

"Really? That's great! Tell her I'd be glad to," Kira said.

"I'll set it up, then, ranjen." He put an hand on her shoulder and left.

She chuckled and returned to watching Yoshi and Zimo. Ranjen. Who'd have thought?

I knew, said a familiar voice in her head. She pulled out the baseball from her pocket, smiled as she turned it in her hand for a moment, then put it back in her pocket.

Of course you did, she thought.