Grief

I stepped back from the cage watching the black wolf chew on the haunch of beef that I'd laced with sedatives. I knew she could smell the medication, but from the way she was tearing at the meat I could see that she didn't care. I sat on the chair across from the cage so I could watch her as she ate. There was a faint smell of smoke everywhere, and even though I'd already taken two showers and scrubbed Marguerite's fur twice with the hotel shampoo, it was still there. I sighed in exhaustion and pressed my hands to my eyes.

The suite door opened to admit Davy, who was still in his only soot-stained clothes and the smell of smoke intensified. A growl came from the cage, making Davy jump. He stared at the wolf for a moment, and she stared back, looking a bit sleepy already, then resumed eating. His brow creased in worry.

Can we talk in the other room? Davy said in my mind.

She'll still hear it, I replied.

Possibly, he said, but it looks like she'll be asleep in minute or two.

Davy turned his head towards the cage, as if listening. "I know, M. I'll fill you in in a minute. Get some rest."

The wolf growled again, but she began gnawing absently on the bone now that the meat was gone. Told you, I sent to Davy.

He sighed and lead the way into the bedroom and closed the door behind us. Wiping his eyes, he said, "It's a total loss, Daisy. We were cleared to take the helicopter this morning. Nothing's left but the pack house and the pools."

"The pack house survived? That seems, well... symbolic..."

"Yeah, but I talked to the others. Maria and Betty got an invite to live with the Berkeley pack, and because one of their partners is there, they plan to stay with him. They say they can't deal with the devastation. Rory and Terry are planning to join them." He sighed. "I don't think there's going to be many of us going back to Loba." Davy sat hard on the bed and stared at the door. "How's she doing?"

I sat down next to him. "I've placated her with meat and sedatives for now, but she refuses to change. I don't know what to do now. How do you help a Black Queen who's lost her mate?"

"I don't know," Davy replied. "I've never heard of a wolf outliving their mate. But--" He wiped his eyes again. "Daisy, she's like a Mom to me. She saved me when the LA pack had given up on me. I miss Harold terribly, but I don't think I can lose them both!" He put his head in his heads, taking a shuddering breath. "Her mindvoice is getting quieter, Daisy, and I don't have the power to stop it."

I took him in my arms, my own tears making a damp spot on his shirt. "I know, honey, I know. I can't lose her either. We'll think of something." Davy didn't say anything, and really, he didn't have to. We cried together for who knows how long. Eventually, we let go. "We should tell M," I said.

Davy got a far away look. "She's asleep now. I'll stay and talk to her when she wakes up. You should take a break. Get some dinner." He grinned. "And don't say that you don't need one. Besides, Lang's got a good spread in the ballroom going on for all the Occult staying here because of the Valley fire."

"Ok, love, I'll go. You want me to bring you anything?"

Davy shook his head. I stood, put a hand on his shoulder, squeezed it and left.

Three days later, I was startled awake by a hand shaking my shoulder. "What?" I managed, awake, but mind still hazy from sleep. I looked up from the chair to see Johnathan standing above me, and cried out in relief to see his face. If anyone can help her, it's him! I thought as I jumped up and hugged him. "Thank the Gods you're here! When did you get in?"

"A few hours ago. Took a while to get up here from SFO."

I wiped my eyes on my sleeves as I pulled away. "You heard? Did Davy fill you in?"

He nodded. "Open the cage," he ordered.

"Johnathan, Davy's barely able to get through to her, now. She nearly bit him--"

He took me by my shoulders, looked me in the eyes, and it was as if he could see directly into my soul. I gasped. The age behind that look made me want to bare my neck, but I resisted the urge. "Trust me, Daisy," he said, gently.

I took a breath, nodded, and, after ensuring the hotel door was locked and bolted, opened the cage. The black wolf stirred, sniffing the air. She stood, and when she saw Johnathan, she growled deeper. Fear filled me, as I could tell the growl was much closer to feral than werewolf. Johnathan waved me back, and I backed against the far wall, trying not to cry. If he can't help her-- I stopped that thought before I could finish it.

Johnathan knelt down, keeping his eyes on Marguerite. "You're going to take the coward's way out, are you?" he asked sternly.

The growling got louder.

The vampire scoffed. "I don't believe you. The Marguerite I know wouldn't just lie down and show her belly when things got hard. She certainly wouldn't annihilate herself and abandon her pack!"

The black wolf barked and growled louder.

"You're just going to give up and abandon the people who need you the most?" he said, raising his voice over the growl. "If you want to slip off this mortal coil, that's your prerogative, but I doubt Harold would forgive for abandoning the pack when you got to the Crossroads! If I know Harold, his Spirit would call you a coward, too!"

The Black Queen leapt for the vampire's throat, knocking them both over, standing on his chest with all four paws, driving her fangs into his neck. I gasped and started to move, but something kept me rooted to the spot. Johnathan didn't move as trails of blood from the bite began to show on his pale, white skin, dripping onto his shirt. His body was preternaturally still as her sharp claws flexed into the fabric on his chest leaving little spots of blood. "Go ahead, Marguerite. Kill me," he said calmly and quietly. "I've lived four and half thousand years. I've had a very long life. I could live with you delivering me back to Toby."

Oh shit, I thought as the silence lengthened, knowing Johnathan's history. The vampire and the wolf were still as stone for nearly a full minute. Then it seemed, somehow, that what he said reached her, and Marguerite opened her jaw and released him, breathing heavily. She leapt off him, padding closer to the cage, then shifted back to human, curling her naked body into a foetal position. "Fuck you, Johnathan!" she muttered.

Johnathan sat up, crawled over to her, and gently pulled her to him. As if that closeness broke something inside her, she began to sob and cry out her pain. I took a tentative step and, realizing my body was my own again, I pulled out a blanket from the closet. I wrapped it around both of them, then joined Johnathan in holding her as she wept. "Mama, please stay," I said, through my own tears. "I know the pack can't be Harold, but I don't know what I'd do without you. You freed me, first from slavery and then from my body. Please don't leave me. Don't leave us."

"He's gone. I feel so empty without him," she sobbed.

"You're strong, Marguerite," Johnathan said, kindness returning to his voice. "Not just because you're a Black Queen, but also because you have a strong pack. You can lean on them, and I know, when you're ready, there will be more family to be found."

"Really?" she asked, sounding like a child.

"I know it," he replied.

Daisy? Davy sent, tentatively. Did it work?

You sent for Johnathan?

Yeah. I figured if anyone could bring her from the brink, it'd be him, he replied, echoing my thought from earlier.

Bless you! Yes! Get up here. Bring whoever's left of the pack that's here! Now!

On our way.

I gently moved away from Johnathan and Marguerite to unlock the door. "You can do this, Black Queen," I heard the man say behind me.

"But--"

"You can do this, Marguerite," he repeated. "I'll set a compulsion to make the grief a bit easier to bear for a while so you can find your center again. Eventually, you'll need to face it, though. Grief has it's own time, Marguerite, but right now you have pack to take care of an a home to rebuild."

I turned to see her nod. Johnathan took her head in his hands and stared deep into her eyes. The air in the room seemed to expand for a moment, then settle, and Marguerite sighed, relief evident on her face. "Thank you," she said.

He kissed her forehead, then got up off the floor. "I'm going to Boston for a while, but message me when you decide to go back and inspect the land. I'll go with you."

Marguerite nodded, and Jonathan left the room. There were voices in the hall for a few minutes, then the door opened. Davy, Frankie, Mary, Lila, and Monica, all that was left of the Loba Pack, came in, all of their faces first showing worry, then relief as they saw Marguerite in human form on the floor. Marguerite adjusted the blanket around her, then hung her head. "I'm sorry. I--"

"We know," Lila said, kneeling down and taking her hand. "We miss our King, too."

As if that was a cue, Davy shifted and bowed his head. One by one, the others shifted and did the same. Lastly, it was my turn, and I didn't hesitate. I shifted and bowed to our Queen, our Mother, with the rest.

Tears fell down her face. "I don't deserve this--" she began.

Bullshit, Davy interrupted, speaking mentally for all of us. You and Harold were the parents most of us never had. Losing Harold was bad enough, but we'd all be wrecked if we lost you, too! The rest of us whined in agreement, then Mary moved cautiously to cuddle up to her. The rest of us followed, laying ourselves on her like a large furry blanket.

"All right, my pack, I surrender," she whispered, then she, too, shifted. We all cuddled closer, relishing the closeness and warmth, then finally falling asleep together, again, as pack and family. I sighed as I drifted off, knowing that, eventually, we'd be ok.