The American Dream is My Nightmare, and I'm Done Being Polite About It.

American culture fears anyone who isn’t cisgendered, straight, white, and heterosexual. As American citizens, we try to tell ourselves we are not afraid of anything and that we can fight “the bad guys” and win. Yet, the US has school shootings that have gotten worse, year on year. Young children can’t even walk to school by themselves (unlike in other countries). We get mixed messages about so many things, that it’s hard not to fear everything. Don’t talk to strangers, but you should go out and talk to strangers so you can make friends. Don’t be weird, but you should be an individual! It’s what’s in your heart that matters, but don’t be fat/queer/trans/disabled/etc! This is only the tip of the iceberg of the cognitive dissonance, and, combined with our cultist, colonizer history, it creates the very memes of Karens and Chads.

If you are paying attention, it’s perfectly clear now that the American Dream is a seductive lie. I was born with this lie, and our government has sold this lie as propaganda for so long, even people outside the US have been infected with it. However, the idea that if you work hard and play by the rules, you’ll end up rich and successful is a fantasy, even for cis-het white men (for whom, let’s be honest, this lie is meant for). 

I see a lot of Americans online saying that the fascism and racism of the current administration isn’t who we are. That isn’t how “real Americans” think and feel about community and others. On the contrary: THIS IS WHO WE ARE AS AMERICANS, AND WE NEED TO OWN UP TO IT.

As a pastor who works for justice, the current state of American culture makes the work of countering the lies of white supremacist theocratic dogma extremely difficult. It’s not just fighting American white nationalist fascism; it’s also fighting the cult of American culture that has infected the entire world. No one is immune from this cult, because it also permeates progressive/leftist circles, especially online, with the enforcement of ideological purity and perfectionism. There’s a cultist side of American activism that hounds people for mistakes that they did 10, 20, or even 30 years ago, even when they’ve clearly changed their mind and made a sincere effort to change and grow from it. It’s also a movement that decides that if you can’t talk a certain way or use the right language as soon as you decided you want to fight for justice that somehow, you’re not a “real” activist. 

Then we have those who are progressive and say that we must be “the better people.” That somehow, we always must be the adults in the room to direct people to right action. The problem is that fascist propaganda has twisted the narrative so badly, that appealing to a person’s sense of right and wrong is no longer possible. As with all cults, no one knows what the truth is anymore, nor can they rely on their own moral compass because of all the lies they have been told. Americans, in general, have a hard time looking outside their own culture and beliefs, and have an even harder time dealing with difference, even when they are trying to change the world. Rage and hate have become entertainment and kindness has become boring, or even cringe. The simple answers that black and white thinking provides are easier to take on rather than trying to understand history and the more complicated picture of reality. It has turned the idea of hope and kindness into something that is hard and difficult or even undesirable. That hope and compassion are unobtainable goals because everyone is problematic. 

But I need to believe that humanity is not completely lost, and that peace can still be possible. I need to hope that humanity can be redeemed, because otherwise I have let the cult win my soul. 

Compassion and forgiveness aren’t difficult. The problem is that, in the American cult, we are taught the Right-Wing Evangelical type of forgiveness (regardless of denomination) is the only true form of forgiveness: one must tolerate oppression and intolerance from their abuser and repent for being so bold as to tell the truth. In progressive circles, the reaction to that school of forgiveness is to swing hard to the other extreme: there is no forgiveness for any wrong action and no possibility of redemption once you have sinned.

Don’t misunderstand me: Tolerating injustice, abuse, and hatred is not what I’m calling for here. What I’m calling for is understanding that the American Cultist view of the world is not, and should not be, accepted as a viable template for morality. It should be called out for the cult that it is and that the American cultist definitions of compassion and forgiveness, along with black and white thinking, should not be the rule individually, in groups, or globally. 

Compassion and forgiveness are not equivalent. In fact, you can show compassion for another human being without forgiving them. An example I’ve given to people over the last few years is this: I have compassion for Donald Trump as a human being because he’s clearly in some sort of mental decline and illness. He’s not the first person I’ve seen with dementia or other cognitive problems. These classes of disease are hard on the individual and those around them. However, I cannot forgive him for what he’s done to the United States, and by extension, the rest of the world, since he’s given permission for right-wing white nationalist ideologs to create a climate of injustice, fear, and oppression against anyone who isn’t cis-gender, white, heterosexual, and male. He has not repented of his mistakes and has doubled down on hateful, bigoted ideology. 

Forgiveness is not a license to roll over and play dead. Real forgiveness is either done for oneself or is earned by the person doing the bad behavior through corrective action, not just repentance. Even if you ask someone for forgiveness, you can’t force the other person or group to give it to you, especially if you aren’t following through with real change on your part. 

Compassion, while less conditional than forgiveness, is not a license to let people oppress you or others, either. It allows you to have empathy and/or sympathy, because you can see people as human beings, but showing compassion doesn’t mean you have to be “nice” to someone or allow them to be in your life.  In fact, being a mirror for someone and telling them why they’ve hurt you, might be the most compassionate action on your part. Or, even for the world. Sometimes, to show that greater compassion, one must think about what would be best for humanity overall. In the Donald Trump example, while I’m able to show compassion for him as a human being, I can’t ignore the harm he’s doing to all humans, especially queer people, trans people, and people of color.

And yet, while I know some would call me a bad priest and pastor for saying this, I firmly believe that the greater compassion for humanity right now would be Donald Trump’s death. He has expanded the American Cult and does great harm through it. The damage will not stop until he is no longer able to influence it through his cult of personality. 

Before you excoriate me for that belief, remember that even Jesus flipped tables and punished the money changers in the temple. He was not averse to using violence. He didn’t like it, but even he knew there were moments where it was necessary to make way for caring for the marginalized and reasserting compassion. Even in his acknowledgement of Judas’ betrayal, he knew that doing what was necessary, even if it’s deemed wrong, can be the only compassionate course of action one can take.

Humanity is standing at a crossroads—not just politically, but spiritually and culturally. The sickness of American Cultism that has seeped into the rest of the world won’t be healed by pretending that our collective humanity will somehow reassert itself or that it hasn’t infected all parts of the world. It will be healed by truth-telling, embracing complexity, and by choosing compassion for all people, not as weakness, but as resistance. It will be healed by denying the right-wing cultist lie of the American Dream and realizing that the United States is no longer the land of milk and honey. 

This isn’t about right or left anymore. It’s about whether we want to live in a world that values truth, justice, and actual human dignity—or one that keeps propping up a lie because it’s easier than admitting the current trajectory of the West, and the American Cult, are wrong. We cannot pray or wish or tweet away fascism and injustice. But if Americans, and the rest of humanity, want a better future, we must stop clinging to the myths of the cult that got us here. We must name the cult, name the harm they are doing, reject the people and systems that enable it, and start building something that doesn’t rely on control, domination, or silence. We must be willing to burn the idols we’ve made of power, purity, and perfection. Only then can we begin the hard, sacred work of becoming better than we’ve been. 

As a priest, my faith compels me to speak truth, even when it's uncomfortable, but I also believe that there is hope, but only if we stop lying to ourselves about what is happening and what really needs to change.